Wednesday, September 09, 2009

DARYL KATZ PITCHES OFFER TO THE SHARKS

Note: Defer reading the following if you have not seen the show Shark Tank [American Version of Dragon's Den - a business financing show].

Narrator: Daryl Katz is a philanthropist and a wealthy pharmacy tycoon. He purchased the Edmonton Oilers, a team in the NHL, in July 2008. He now pitches an offer to the sharks for financing of a new arena and corresponding downtown development in Edmonton, Alberta.



Daryl: "Good evening sharks! I am requesting $500 million for a 49% share in the downtown Edmonton revitalization project."

Sharks [in unison]: "Whoa."

Daryl: "You will be rewarded through incremental game-day and luxury box revenues alongside royalties generated from a sequence of chain restaurants and a diversity of dollar stores."



Robert: "Daryl, my acquaintance Terry Jones has vociferously made references to your lack of integrity with respect to your unreceptive, hostile takeover of the Edmonton Oilers. It is also my understanding that you are at this point today following unsuccessful attempts to extract financing from the taxpayers of Alberta. I simply cannot conduct commerce with someone who intentionally takes advantage of others. You declare to be a philanthropist – I volubly do not subscribe to this theory. I'm out."



Kevin O'Leary: "Robert, Robert, Robert! What absurd rubbish are you spewing? The first rule in business is MAKE MONEY! If taking advantage of minion hockey enthusiasts achieves it, then he performed it to perfection.

Now Daryl, whether you are a philanthropist or not, and whether downtown Edmonton is revitalized or not, these items are of nominal concern to me. My only concern lies in how will this make money! As a multi-billionaire, you have the financing available, which raises a huge red flag regarding the profitability of this venture. I principally suspect you will not make money, and for that reason, and that reason only, I'm out."



Barbara: "I adore your hair Daryl. I truly do. But I did observe that you covet to retain 51% ownership. All men desire control!
This won't change, and nor will my position. I'm out."



Daymond: "Daryl, you indicated that we would collect a payback on our investment through royalties from high-class Chain restaurants. I strongly question the degree of these royalties in working class Alberta, where patrons of these sporting and entertainment events are exceedingly representative of the infamous "donair-on-the-way" crowd. While you are truthful there is potential in the dollar stores division, the margins will be too low to allow timely payback. You seem like a first-rate guy and I wish you the best in your future endeavours. I'm out."



Kevin Harrington: "Daryl, I have a wealth of experiencing in marketing. What you are lacking is a visual image to taxpayers! You haven't shown your face to the public at large in over 2 years – the taxpayers can't tell apart Batman from Joker! Now, the risk of this commitment does not coincide with my risk tolerance level, and for that reason I'm out. However, I would willingly accept a marketing figurehead role in your anticipated future pitches, be it for public or private financing.

[Daryl walks out in painful distress]

Daryl [Backstage]: "I really thought I delivered a sturdy pitch. I would like pledge that this project is by far from over. As my good associate, Kevin Lowe, always says, "Expect the Unexpected"

1 comment:

cheryl said...

This is a smart man...."i"m out"
i think you all better watch out!!!